I've moved!

It's been a long time since I wrote on here! I just wanted to drop by and let my subscribers know that I have a new blog! It's about fashion, beauty, style and art, from a queen-sized gal's perspective.

Come visit me at thisismeagankerr.com, I'd love to see you!

xx Meagan

Love, Lies and Infidelity

I have had quite a few friends whose relationships have ended recently because of infidelity, which has prompted me to blog about it (this means I get to have a wee rant and you can choose to read it, or not). If you disagree with something I have said, please comment below or contact me. By all means, I am open to discussion.

Sleazy motels, sexy lingerie, stolen moments... Infidelity used to require a whole lot more effort. Now, the internet and cell phones have made it so much easier to cheat - have a dirty conversation via MSN/Facebook/Yahoo, email each other nude/saucy pictures, have 'text sex'...

It has become glaringly obvious, through both my own experience and through what I have observed of other people's relationships, that infidelity seems to occur at a much higher rate than what my girlish dreams had anticipated.

Our good friend Wikipedia defines infidelity as follows:

In many intimate relationships in most cultures there is usually an express or implied expectation of exclusivity, especially in sexual matters. Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating) most commonly refers to a breach of the expectation of sexual exclusivity.

Infidelity can occur in relation to physical intimacy and/or emotional intimacy. The impact of infidelity is said to be not only about sex outside the relationship, but also about trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty. Sexual infidelity by a marriage partner is commonly called philandery, adultery, or an affair.

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner in the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of that relationship.

Emotional infidelity is emotional involvement with another person, a process which leads one’s partner to channel emotional resources, such as romantic love, time, and attention, to someone else. With the association of multi-user dimensions the level of intimate involvement has extended from in-person involvement to online affairs. Emotional infidelity, as compared to physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. To make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal.

PHYSICAL INFIDELITY is pretty straightforward - being physically intimate with a person other than your partner = cheating. Sex/sexual activity (really, do I need to spell this out?) with another person, whether once or multiple times = definitely cheating. I have heard excuses such as "I was drunk", "I thought about you the whole time" and "I missed you, and she looked like you". Are you kidding me? You had sex with someone else. Stop trying to make up excuses that, quite frankly, we both know are just lies.

I'm not going to go into the "Is kissing cheating?" debate. Some people think that it is and some people don't. That is a boundary you need to set within your own relationship.

EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY may not necessarily involve physical infidelity. I don't think that being 'emotionally involved' with someone is required to fit in to this category. For example, the internet and cell phones have made it so much easier to cheat in this manner - have a dirty conversation via MSN/Facebook/Yahoo, email each other nude/saucy pictures, have 'text sex'... Sometimes there is that emotional connection though - the person cheating may actually love the person they're cheating with.

Having never cheated on a partner, I can't say what goes through someone's head when they decide to be unfaithful. However, having had multiple unfaithful partners, I can tell you one thing - it hurts. I have had boyfriends who have slept with other women (and other men!) - both as a once off and multiple times - and it sucks! It made me doubt my personality, my physical appearance, and my self worth so much.

What is worse for me, however, is the emotional cheating. It seems far more personal, knowing that your significant other is connecting with another human being on an emotional level that they clearly feel that they don't share with you. If you've never experienced this heart-wrenching betrayal, just imagine being told you're worthless, boring, unloveable and unattractive by the person you love most in the world. Then multiply that feeling by 100. I don't think that even begins to come close to how I felt when I found out that my partner had essentially been having a relationship (minus the physical intimacy) via email/text message/facebook/phone with a woman that I thought was "just a friend". Talk about ripping out my heart and stomping all over it!!! This woman lived in another city, and I have no doubt in my mind that if she lived in the same city as him he wouldn't have hesitated about jumping into bed with her.

I can tell this is probably going to come off as ranty, but what I really want to say is this:

If you are cheating, either emotionally or physically, have the guts to break up with your partner. No one deserves the heartbreak that infidelity brings, and no one likes a liar.

***OPINIONATED BLOGGER'S EDIT***

A dear friend of mine has pointed something out to me that I forgot to mention - open relationships are a totally different kettle of fish. I do not judge anyone who is in an open relationship, I have been in one myself - it worked because we all knew where we stood and we were open and honest with each other.

Nothing is ever simple, and no two relationships are the same. What I wrote on my blog is a generalisation, because the people I am writing about are in no way mature enough to cope with an open relationship.

Some Advice [manners and professionalism are important]

I just wanted to share a piece of advice with you.

If you want someone to do something for you, especially if you're asking it as a favour, ESPECIALLY if it's from someone that you either don't know well, or at all, BE POLITE! Being rude, arrogant, unprofessional, disorganised and just plain difficult is NOT the way to get other people to help you.

I had an email from someone asking me to do some research for them (I used to work in research, many years ago), and the person who originally asked me was really nice and polite and said that I should email the project leader to let her know that I was available. I sent said project leader an email saying that I was interested, with the times and dates I was available. The email I got in response, from someone I have never met/spoken to in my life, was this:

"phone number plse.
Thanks
Doreen."

What is wrong with this? No salutation, just a misspelt demand. I wouldn't even send a friend I've know for years an email like that. There is such a thing as etiquette, and this just stomps all over it.

Not to mention, my phone number is in my email signature, right underneath my name. AND I know for a fact they have it in file - the person I originally dealt with said that she had my number and email on file so they could contact me for future work.

Needless to say, I will NOT being doing this person any favours.

Sweet Dreams [bed sharing and blanket stealing]

I've never been very good at sharing, just ask my mother.

I have been flatting for 12 years now, and am quite comfortable sharing my living space with another person, providing they're reasonably tidy and partake in a spot of cleaning on a regular basis. My lovely boything has moved in with me and I'm adjusting to the difference of living with a partner rather than a flatmate.

Something I am finding it hard to get used to, however, is sharing my bed. I have a double bed (in an ideal world I would have a king-sized bed, but I am an impoverished student and finances say no big comfy bed for us), and am dealing with sharing the sleeping space, but it appears that my boything is a notorious blanket thief. Or rather, he has developed this nocturnal bad habit over the last month or so. He has perfected this amazingly sneaky "grab and roll" technique that enables him to cocoon himself in the duvet, leaving me with none.

Because of the way the boything cocoons himself, I am unable to sneak the blankets back! If they're not wrapped around him, then he is clutching them tighter than Darth Vader's force grip (May the Fourth be with you, Star Wars fans!) and I can't wrestle them back.

I hear some of you scoffing at my whinge about blanket stealing because to you it seems trivial. But when you spend a good portion of every night cold and shivering, and start to resent sharing a bed with your partner, it actually starts to be a touch more serious. This didn't happen when we first started sharing a bed, it's something that has started happening over roughly the last 5 weeks and we'd really like to find a solution as soon as possible. I haven't had a full night of sleep in over a month (not counting the week where I went away without him and we each enjoyed 8 blissful nights of having a whole bed and blanket to ourselves!), and it's driving me up the wall!

I realise that this is not a conscious action on my boything's part, and that's why I really want to find a solution/way of coping with this. Otherwise he will have to be banished to sleep in another room, and I will be sad and lonely. We've tried having another duvet on the bed, so if he steals one then I still have the other, but alas! He manages to swipe both.

Does anyone have any wonderful words of advice that they can offer? Does anyone else have this problem? Please let us know!!! We will be forever grateful to anyone who can help us out.



O bed! O bed! delicious bed!
That heaven upon earth to the weary head.
~Thomas Hood, Miss Kilmansegg - Her Dream

Handbook For Life

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time for hugs.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts over things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. Be grateful for what you have been given.
18. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
21. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away (like algebra class) but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
22. Smile and laugh more.
23. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

24. Call your family often.
25. Each day give something good to others.
26. Forgive.
27. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
28. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

31. Do the right thing!
32. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Hugs heal everything.
34. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. The best is yet to come.
37. When you awake alive in the morning, be thankful for it.
38. Your inner most is always happy. So, be happy.